Starting a new school really feels like starting from scratch. While I have an IEP and years of knowledge, I don’t know this new school. I have no idea the culture of the school, teachers, staff and maybe most notably the administration. I feel like my son and I are stepping into a great unknown and it doesn’t feel good.
I’ve often begin my talks by saying, “I’ve seen the best of public school and I’ve seen the worst.” I only occasionally go into any detail let alone specifics about the worst. I can say it eroded trust. I can’t unknow what I know. I can’t turn back time on the phone calls, and the suspensions. The trauma is still there for my kid. It is still there for me.
So, we go into another transition. Will it be positive like our transition to middle school or will it be a nightmare like it was when we changed schools in elementary? I have no way of knowing. What I do know, scares the hell out of me.
My son told us recently, “I just want to be treated like a human being.” It isn’t much to ask, but I know that hasn’t always been the case. He’s been restrained and then told it was therapy. He’s been gaslighted about his sensory issues so many times he doesn’t trust a lot of teachers. He hasn’t always been safe at school. He hasn’t always been believed either.
The other problem is that I know the system well. I know that it is rare to have a fully staffed Special Education program. It is even rarer for them to be up to date on what it really means to be Autistic. For example, my son’s IEP states that he gets a 1 on on 1 to assist throughout his day. There is really little to no training these folks go through. Sometimes they’re absolute amazing individuals who fully support my son’s needs. Sometimes their ignorance is a hinderance to learning.
I’m also keenly aware of the underfunding issue and the low pay issue for our special education teachers, the instructional assistants and really the entire building. I can put together an amazing IEP document but it means very little if they can’t provide the staff. I can of course pull my kid out and refuse to send him to school until they provide the staffing, but that doesn’t make money appear. Let alone what underfunding does to morale and school culture over time.
We’re going to try our best and step into the unknown. I sent an email introduction to the Principal. I put too many links in it about myself that I wish I could take back. I also joined the PTSA. Of course I opened my mouth to volunteer as Advocacy Chair at the fist meeting. Not only that, I went on and on about advocacy being the heart of the PTA. The position wasn’t even listed on their web site, it wasn’t even listed as vacant, so I thought I was doing something good. Apparently,10 minutes after volunteering and being welcomed, I was told the position was already filled. I still have zero idea where it was listed, but I don’t doubt the person. I of course immediately apologized and felt very small and slightly humiliated. Not a best foot forward moment.
The other hard part that is hard is explaining to friends and neighbors about where we’re going to high school. They ask. I answer. Immediately I get asked why there. It isn’t near our house. It isn’t a magnet school either. So, I have to explain that my son was assigned there because he’s in a regional program (special education). Of course I get asked again why because of course many Autistics go to their schools. Its exhausting trying to explain why my kid is in a regional program that only exists in two high schools in the county. I can’t even tell them why that program is special or why my kid is in it. I honestly have yet to understand regional programs in our county. I honestly have no idea if it is the right fit either. Its where his teacher from last year said he should go and I’m taking a giant leap of faith trusting her. She is one of those few I trust.
I’m haunted by our past experience in our school system. I know the nightmares well. My son still has them, as do I. I also know that there aren’t any other real options either. Homeschool isn’t for us. I absolutely care about quality education. There aren’t private schools who will take my kid either. I’ve been down that road and its even scarier. My son needs every bit of federal protection we can get him. In so many ways, he is why IDEA is important.
Thus we start from scratch. We ask questions. We try and make the transition as positive as we can. It still scares the hell out of me.