Testing..Testing..1.2.3

There is nothing that developmental specialist love more than testing!

If your child is ever suspected of having a developmental delay, be prepared for lots of evaluations.   Once our family was referred to the CDSA (see prior post), it was time to be evaluated by their office.  It seems the pediatrician’s office evaluation was just a small test to see if we needed further testing.

Emotionally I was simply worried.  Since no one wanted to say  anything of substance, other than further tests are needed, I had no reason to be sad.  I was simply confused and overwhelmed by the process of it all.   I still had that voice of skepticism in the back of my head that said my kid would grow out of this.  My voice of reason, and my husband, reminded me that there was no harm in therapy and no harm in testing.

In fact the testing is generally worse for the parents than the child.  The evaluation took place in our home.  Which for us means an earnest attempt to get some dog hair out of the carpet, and to put poor Zelda out back.  Our coordinator with the CDSA came along with an evaluator.

At first there was a just a lot of paperwork.  I don’t remember every detail.  However, I can say that there was an endless barrage of questions.  Does E feed himself with a spoon, does he babble, does he stack blocks, how many?  E was completely freaked out at the experience.  I had no idea there was a set number of blocks he was suppose to stack.  Who forces their child to stack blocks?  At one point E was given a baby doll and told to feed the doll.  E was completely uninterested.

Well of course he wasn’t interested.  He’d never played with a baby doll.  I of course told the evaluator, but I was dismissed.  I was on edge the entire time and I’m afraid so was E.  E just withdrew from the evaluator’s requests.  The more they tried, the more he withdrew.  My heart was broken, but I knew it would be over soon.  E was only 16 months at the time.

It took a very short time for our initial evaluation report.  It was difficult to read.  While I anticipated his speech to be delayed.  I did not anticipate any other delays.  It didn’t dawn on me that my child had any other problems.  However, unlike most mothers, my child’s delays and difficulties was in black in white on the page.

My first inclination was to of course argue with the report.  That’s not my child!  My son doesn’t have problems with eye contact.  He always answers when I call him.  Why is important that he point with one finger rather than use his whole hand?  Who are they to judge my child after spending 2 hours with him.  Of course, arguing with type written reports will only eventually only put me into therapy.

Again well meaning people assured me that E was fine.  Time would heal all.  In my heart, I knew that E was not fine.  I could see that E needed help.  I just had to be strong enough to get him the help he needed.  Part of the process and the strength, came from my loving husband.  He reminded me over and over that therapy can only help.

On to the next phase: finding a therapist

 

 

 

 

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The Silence

The continuing story….yes I know I stopped writing for a while, I have my reasons.

E was a wonderful boy.  He was smiley and quick to meet physical challenges.  He wasn’t talking yet, but it didn’t seem strange at first.  Boys tend to talk later than girls.  Also when infants concentrate on one skill set, such as large motor, they get slightly delayed in other aspects of development.  Since E was all about walking and climbing, I just didn’t worry about his language.

However as time went by, it was clear that he might have an issue.  It wasn’t just that he wasn’t talking, but he wasn’t making sounds.  Before E turned 1, I had heard noises cooing, and attempt at sounds, but after he turned one, nothing.  My house was silent.

At a checkup at the pediatrician, E’s lack of speech was brought to light.  An evaluation for development delay was suggested and scheduled.  My mommy senses began to tingle.  One of the known signs of Autism is losing a skill.  He was making some sounds, and then nothing.  You start to question everything.  I tried to remain calm.  My happy smiley son didn’t seem to have major issues, he was just quiet.

The first evaluation we did was a nightmare.  It was done in one of the exam rooms in the doctors’ office.  E was scared from the moment the door closed behind us.  He shut down fairly soon into the process.  I knew the results would be troubling, but I also knew that the evaluation wasn’t a true picture of my child.

I remember we went on vacation trekking across the midwest to visit family.  We were eating with old friends at Imo’s near St.Louis when I got a call to schedule E for a fuller evaluation and recommendation for therapies.  I took the call in the bathroom and it was a little daunting.  There wasn’t enough information yet for me to really worry, but I wasn’t calm either.

The internet is a dangerous tool in the hands of a paranoid parent.  E was young and had some warning signs for Autism.  I tried to talk to some of the neighborhood moms.  They all wanted to be reassuring, and thought E looked like a healthy happy child to them.  All I could see was a quiet child who shied away from others.  From E, there was only silence.

What the phone conversation in Imo’s  laid out was E was being referred to an organization known as the CDSA .  CDSA stands for Childrens Development Services Agency.  Its a branch of the Department of Public Health and the agency in charge of the state Infant and Toddler Program.  They are dedicated in catching development delays and providing appropriate therapies.  I had just stepped into a system.  It was my turn to be silent.  I was stunned by it all.

For more information about CDSA: http://www.beearly.nc.gov

 

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Almost Completely Normal

My son’s birth story was almost completely normal.  My pregnancy certainly was normal.  I worked steady throughout the pregnancy.  Of course I had normal pregnancy “symptoms”.  There was never any doubt that I could be pregnant.  I was lucky and virtually no morning sickness.  I did suffer from severe fatigue and some fairly heavy heartburn.  I gave up a few foods and took naps during my lunch hour.

As the pregnancy, progressed I did get really bad carpel tunnel syndrome.  Both my hands went numb.  I had to be careful to make sure I was on home row because I couldn’t feel those handy bumps on my keyboard.   I was able to hire a temp to train at work for my eventual maternity leave and started to slow myself down in preparation of things to come.

I remember it was a Monday.  I was so tired and achy I just slept in that day.  Work called and I decided that I was not going in that day.  I started to feel some heavy back pain and I fell asleep watching The Sting on TV.  I was in the hospital by that night.

The labor was long.  It seemed foggy then and it seems even foggier now.  There is little they can do for back labor.   I had two failed epidurals.  In short, I was failure to progress.  They had difficult monitoring my contractions.  After trying to push and doctor whose favorite statement was “just 2 more” followed by “just 2 more”, I was getting a C-section.

The C-section went normally except for one major problem  My spinal bloc was too high.   They had to intubate.  I just remember a doctor pleading with me to keep squeezing his hand and me replying, “I am”.   A mask fell over my face and I woke up in a recovery room.  The nurse looked down and said, “we didn’t expect you to be awake so soon” I was finally wheeled into my room and presented with my wonderful baby boy.  He was a healthy and average 7 lbs 8 oz.

The first year was dominated by breast feeding.  Its not so easy.  I was not one of those mothers who took to it easily.  I am not one of those mothers who remember it fondly.  I got through it.  I cried about it, I worried about it, I even saw a few specialist.  I made it through one year a little more.  E (lets just call my son E for all intensive purposes) lost interest in breast feeding once solids increased.

Nothing unusual.  E met all his milestones.  He wasn’t a very chatty child, but he did babble a bit.  He walked before he was one.  He pulled up very early.  By one year, I was actually starting to relax just a bit.  In the beginging, things were almost completely normal.

 

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Blog Take 2

Hello, I’m an intelligent mom and I have a wonderful son with a developmental delay.

I was not prepared for this scenario in any way.  I assumed my child would be bright and reach all his milestones early.  In his infancy he did indeed progress quickly.  However, this streak did not continue.  Perhaps its time I write about this.  Maybe it will help someone else in the future. Perhaps it might only help me.  At least it will get me writing again.  My novel is yet again at a stand still.  Not to worry, I’m always trying to write a novel.

For new moms or even some moms in general, admitting that your child has problems is not easy.  However, I believe that we all should inject a little more honesty about the motherhood experience.  I’m not talking about the funny thing your child does with his food.  I’m also not talking about squawking about every terrible misbehavior.  I’m speaking to the difficult and yet beautiful journey of trying to raise another human being.

So be patient as I go forth and share my story.  For friends and family, you already know names.  However for those who randomly went searching for “there will be poop”, you are probably pretty strange, and I’m not giving out any personal information if I can help it.

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Axioms

I once had a teacher in high school who introduced what he considered “The Axioms of History”.     They were simple statements of truth.  I’m sure I don’t remember them all.  I do remember a few.

1. Life isn’t fair

2. War cost money

3. Those in power seek to stay in power.

Parenthood is ripe with axioms.  We’ve all read statements such as, every child is different, or the only constant is change.  However, I’ve decided that the only one that tangibly make sense to me is , there will be poop.

I’m not sure where this blog is going or how often I’ll publish.  The idea of blogging is still a very strange concept.  I’ve always been wary of putting too many of my true thoughts out for the world to read.  So, be patient as I get my feet wet in my new medium.   I do guarantee whether you have a spouse, a pet, or a child in life there will be poop.

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