The Silence

Posted on January 25, 2013 by admin

The continuing story….yes I know I stopped writing for a while, I have my reasons.

E was a wonderful boy.  He was smiley and quick to meet physical challenges.  He wasn’t talking yet, but it didn’t seem strange at first.  Boys tend to talk later than girls.  Also when infants concentrate on one skill set, such as large motor, they get slightly delayed in other aspects of development.  Since E was all about walking and climbing, I just didn’t worry about his language.

However as time went by, it was clear that he might have an issue.  It wasn’t just that he wasn’t talking, but he wasn’t making sounds.  Before E turned 1, I had heard noises cooing, and attempt at sounds, but after he turned one, nothing.  My house was silent.

At a checkup at the pediatrician, E’s lack of speech was brought to light.  An evaluation for development delay was suggested and scheduled.  My mommy senses began to tingle.  One of the known signs of Autism is losing a skill.  He was making some sounds, and then nothing.  You start to question everything.  I tried to remain calm.  My happy smiley son didn’t seem to have major issues, he was just quiet.

The first evaluation we did was a nightmare.  It was done in one of the exam rooms in the doctors’ office.  E was scared from the moment the door closed behind us.  He shut down fairly soon into the process.  I knew the results would be troubling, but I also knew that the evaluation wasn’t a true picture of my child.

I remember we went on vacation trekking across the midwest to visit family.  We were eating with old friends at Imo’s near St.Louis when I got a call to schedule E for a fuller evaluation and recommendation for therapies.  I took the call in the bathroom and it was a little daunting.  There wasn’t enough information yet for me to really worry, but I wasn’t calm either.

The internet is a dangerous tool in the hands of a paranoid parent.  E was young and had some warning signs for Autism.  I tried to talk to some of the neighborhood moms.  They all wanted to be reassuring, and thought E looked like a healthy happy child to them.  All I could see was a quiet child who shied away from others.  From E, there was only silence.

What the phone conversation in Imo’s  laid out was E was being referred to an organization known as the CDSA .  CDSA stands for Childrens Development Services Agency.  Its a branch of the Department of Public Health and the agency in charge of the state Infant and Toddler Program.  They are dedicated in catching development delays and providing appropriate therapies.  I had just stepped into a system.  It was my turn to be silent.  I was stunned by it all.

For more information about CDSA: http://www.beearly.nc.gov

 

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Almost Completely Normal

Posted on November 12, 2012 by admin

My son’s birth story was almost completely normal.  My pregnancy certainly was normal.  I worked steady throughout the pregnancy.  Of course I had normal pregnancy “symptoms”.  There was never any doubt that I could be pregnant.  I was lucky and virtually no morning sickness.  I did suffer from severe fatigue and some fairly heavy heartburn.  I gave up a few foods and took naps during my lunch hour.

As the pregnancy, progressed I did get really bad carpel tunnel syndrome.  Both my hands went numb.  I had to be careful to make sure I was on home row because I couldn’t feel those handy bumps on my keyboard.   I was able to hire a temp to train at work for my eventual maternity leave and started to slow myself down in preparation of things to come.

I remember it was a Monday.  I was so tired and achy I just slept in that day.  Work called and I decided that I was not going in that day.  I started to feel some heavy back pain and I fell asleep watching The Sting on TV.  I was in the hospital by that night.

The labor was long.  It seemed foggy then and it seems even foggier now.  There is little they can do for back labor.   I had two failed epidurals.  In short, I was failure to progress.  They had difficult monitoring my contractions.  After trying to push and doctor whose favorite statement was “just 2 more” followed by “just 2 more”, I was getting a C-section.

The C-section went normally except for one major problem  My spinal bloc was too high.   They had to intubate.  I just remember a doctor pleading with me to keep squeezing his hand and me replying, “I am”.   A mask fell over my face and I woke up in a recovery room.  The nurse looked down and said, “we didn’t expect you to be awake so soon” I was finally wheeled into my room and presented with my wonderful baby boy.  He was a healthy and average 7 lbs 8 oz.

The first year was dominated by breast feeding.  Its not so easy.  I was not one of those mothers who took to it easily.  I am not one of those mothers who remember it fondly.  I got through it.  I cried about it, I worried about it, I even saw a few specialist.  I made it through one year a little more.  E (lets just call my son E for all intensive purposes) lost interest in breast feeding once solids increased.

Nothing unusual.  E met all his milestones.  He wasn’t a very chatty child, but he did babble a bit.  He walked before he was one.  He pulled up very early.  By one year, I was actually starting to relax just a bit.  In the beginging, things were almost completely normal.

 

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Blog Take 2

Posted on November 9, 2012 by admin

Hello, I’m an intelligent mom and I have a wonderful son with a developmental delay.

I was not prepared for this scenario in any way.  I assumed my child would be bright and reach all his milestones early.  In his infancy he did indeed progress quickly.  However, this streak did not continue.  Perhaps its time I write about this.  Maybe it will help someone else in the future. Perhaps it might only help me.  At least it will get me writing again.  My novel is yet again at a stand still.  Not to worry, I’m always trying to write a novel.

For new moms or even some moms in general, admitting that your child has problems is not easy.  However, I believe that we all should inject a little more honesty about the motherhood experience.  I’m not talking about the funny thing your child does with his food.  I’m also not talking about squawking about every terrible misbehavior.  I’m speaking to the difficult and yet beautiful journey of trying to raise another human being.

So be patient as I go forth and share my story.  For friends and family, you already know names.  However for those who randomly went searching for “there will be poop”, you are probably pretty strange, and I’m not giving out any personal information if I can help it.

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Axioms

Posted on May 29, 2012 by admin

I once had a teacher in high school who introduced what he considered “The Axioms of History”.     They were simple statements of truth.  I’m sure I don’t remember them all.  I do remember a few.

1. Life isn’t fair

2. War cost money

3. Those in power seek to stay in power.

Parenthood is ripe with axioms.  We’ve all read statements such as, every child is different, or the only constant is change.  However, I’ve decided that the only one that tangibly make sense to me is , there will be poop.

I’m not sure where this blog is going or how often I’ll publish.  The idea of blogging is still a very strange concept.  I’ve always been wary of putting too many of my true thoughts out for the world to read.  So, be patient as I get my feet wet in my new medium.   I do guarantee whether you have a spouse, a pet, or a child in life there will be poop.

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